Episode 50: The Power of a Consult with Laura Sully
Jan 17, 2024Season 1Episode 50
Sara Fisk/ Laura Sully
For this episode, Laura Sully joins me to share her experience having a consult with me. Booking a consult with me is the best way to start your journey with stopping people pleasing. When you start working with me, I’ll give you tools that are immediately useful in your life. Then we’ll get into processing emotions and dive deeper into the roots of people pleasing in your life. After working with me, you’ll see yourself in a completely new light and will be able to move through your days confidently. Your authentic self will start to show up everywhere, and your relationships will feel safe and connected. It all starts with booking a consult. Don’t forget to check out my 24-week Stop People Pleasing Program which is open for enrollment through the 26th of January. You can find more info on my Instagram.
For this episode, Laura Sully joins me to share her experience having a consult with me. Booking a consult with me is the best way to start your journey with stopping people pleasing. When you start working with me, I’ll give you tools that are immediately useful in your life. Then we’ll get into processing emotions and dive deeper into the roots of people pleasing in your life. After working with me, you’ll see yourself in a completely new light and will be able to move through your days confidently. Your authentic self will start to show up everywhere, and your relationships will feel safe and connected. It all starts with booking a consult. Don’t forget to check out my 24-week Stop People Pleasing Program which is open for enrollment through the 26th of January. You can find more info on my Instagram.
You are listening to the X good girl podcast episode number 50. I'm recording this on a day when, uh, earlier today I did a free webinar where I taught one of the tools that I consider most essential for learning how to not people please anymore. I do this for a couple of reasons. I do free webinars. I'm going to be doing a lot of them this year. Because I want what I teach to be accessible to anyone who can give me some time. And I want to get as many women on board as possible with my worldwide revolution that's going to happen when we all stop people pleasing. And because it gives me a chance to teach people something that's going to be really helpful for them and also show them how the program that I have created also called Stop People Pleasing could really be helpful in the next phase of their work learning how to stop people pleasing. So I taught the tool, I went over the kind of the nuts and bolts of joining Stop People Pleasing and then I invited everyone to schedule. A consult, and it occurred to me that it would be really great if I could give you a sneak peek into what a consult is, because it's way more exciting than the name implies. And actually, in just a few minutes, you're going to get to hear a conversation that I have with someone named Laura Sully, who booked a consult after hearing a couple of my podcast episodes, just because she wanted the chance to. Talk about her people pleasing with me where she sees it showing up kind of what her challenges are. The conversation that we ended up having was so transformational for her. She later wrote me about it, thanking me for the time and kind of detailing the things that were really helpful during the consult. That really made a big impact. So in just a second, you're going to hear the conversation that she and I had, because I invited her to jump on zoom and just record, because I think if everyone could understand how powerful and valuable a consult call is, I mean, my calendar would, would be full. So I'm going to explain what happens in a consult, then you're going to hear my discussion with Laura, and then I'm going to invite you to sign up for a consult as well. So a consult is just a free conversation that you and I have at a time that works, you know, for you, for your schedule. But what is really important is what happens in the conversation. Most people are aware. That they people please in certain situations. And so I'm going to ask you to tell me about those situations. And then I'm going to ask you some other questions that usually reveal and I'm talking about in 90 percent of cases, some sneaky people pleasing that is usually subconscious or something that you're unaware of. The reason that I ask you and we kind of pull out all the different ways in which you're people pleasing is because you are paying the cost of that people pleasing, whether it's with your time, your energy, your money, your brain space. You are burying the cost of always being plugged in to what everybody wants from you and what everybody needs from you and putting yourself on the back burner. You're feeling resentment, you're feeling anxious, you're feeling worried all the time about what other people think of you. And it's important to see all of that with someone like me who's trained to look for it, because In order to stop, you have to really first understand the cost. So that's the first thing we do. We add up all of the hours and all of the time that you spend people pleasing so that you fully understand, whoa, this is costing me thousands of hours a year, thousands of hours over the course of the next several years wrapped up in these people pleasing behaviors. The reason that I want you to fully understand the cost is because the next part of our consult is I'm going to be making sure that you have some tools that immediately can begin to work for you after our conversation so that you can roll back some of that cost. I'm going to teach you how to process emotions, or I'm going to make sure that you understand how to really talk to yourself in a loving and kind way. Those two skills by themselves are completely life changing, and I make sure that you have something to work on after we're done. The third thing that happens in a consult is that I get to tell you about how what I have created, Stop People Pleasing Group Coaching, and be The thing that helps you finally make people pleasing a thing of the past. I give you all of the program information, the cost, the payment options, the times and dates that we meet, and the tools that I will teach you. You get to see the syllabus. You get to see everything that you're going to learn, and then we get to paint the vision. Of what your life will be like when you don't people, please anymore. And I help you see yourself in this completely new light. When you were able to set and maintain boundaries that really work for you and are loving for other people, I get to help you see yourself as someone who is confidently able to take on new challenges because we don't beat ourselves up anymore when we fail or when things don't go our way. I help you learn word tracks, like literally giving you the words to help you take the next step in your journey to stop people pleasing, and then see and have faith that you are becoming a person who is able to express her opinion without editing or pretending that you are able to show up in spaces where previously it might've been really hard for you to be your authentic self. But you're able to do it now, because I find that once we have a couple of things like number one, we understand the true cost of our people pleasing and the true vision of who we can become without it. I have people signing up for the revolution left and right. We really want to become women who can be in relationships that are safe and connecting where we get to show up as who we really are. That we want to have work relationships and parent child relationships and friendships that feel the same way, like beautiful places where we are loved and respected and that feel truly like home to us. And all of that starts with a consult. So listen to the conversation that I have with Lara because she really elegantly talks about how I held up this mirror for her and helped her see some essential parts of her experience that were not clear. And then after that conversation, I'm going to tell you a little bit about stop people pleasing because it's open for registration right now doors open today, there'll be open for the next 2 weeks and we'll close on the 26th of January. And I want you to be in the next round of stop people pleasing. If you are ready to make your people pleasing a thing of the past. Okay, this is going to be a fun conversation. I have Laura Sully here. This is exactly the second time we are talking. And I've never done a podcast with someone that I, I don't know fairly well, or at least haven't had several conversations with, but there was just something about Laura and the conversation we had before that made me want to talk to you again. So here we are. I feel like I've known you for years at this point. Yeah. So introduce yourself and tell everyone kind of how this came to be. So I'm Laura and I'm just on this journey right now where I'm exploring myself and doing a lot of like energy work and doing a lot of like self inventory. And this has led me to come across loads of different coaches and explore loads of different healing techniques. And I just came, what I'm actually finding is. I feel like the universe is delivering to me the right people at the right time. And I can never really remember how they came into my life. But I think I just, I randomly just came across you. I don't even know how. And I was just like, reading your content, I was just like, Ah, this, this really just rings true. To me, and I saw that you did your free calls and I was like, I've got to jump on a call. I've got to jump on a call with her and just see what she's about and then just during that call I really felt like in our conversation I just was able to see it was almost like you put like a mirror up to a part of me that I Kind of knew was there but never really saw and it's the depth of it before Yeah, I never really I never really saw the roots if that makes sense Like I always knew like, oh, you're, you know, you're a people pleaser. You like to, like people have said to me before that I'm easily swayed. And it's always just been like a fun thing. But I've never really seen it in the way that you showed me and that really just like, I was just like, Whoa, I can see how much this aspect of me has dictated parts of my life and has been like preventing me from doing so many things and like making me make particular decisions that I might not have made if I wasn't a people pleaser, if that makes sense. Yeah, it does. It does. And it's so interesting because I think so many people wonder, like, what good does it do to just have a conversation with someone? But one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you is because just the conversation we had seemed to be so transformational for you. Just to have me hold that mirror up and say, you know, these parts of you that you think are just the way it is, they're actually rooted in the way we have been taught. To be as human socialized as women in the world. There are certain things we can do certain things we can't do. And I just love what you, you wrote me later and you said that, you know, you saw this whole part of you that you kind of knew was there, but didn't really understand. Was there anything in particular that the mirror showed you just the mirror of our conversation that stood out? Something that we spoke about in our conversation. The other day, the other week was how, when you do start stepping into your authenticity, what you can find is you start to come across people who've been doing it for years. You come across people younger than you that are already exploring it. And there's a part of you that just feels really like sad for yourself. You've been in that like repressed state of mind and you don't really understand why you weren't allowing yourself to be that version of yourself. And I'm kind of just really like exploring that now and being like, why haven't I always just been my complete authentic self? Well, one of the things that you said that, That you, you know, became more aware of in our conversation was the mental conditioning to people, please, and how it has just seeped into multiple parts of your life. Can you say a little more about that? So, I've really started doing this, like, self inquiry on myself. What parts of me are actually me then and what parts of me have, have been like me reacting to my surroundings and then feeling, you know, resentment or like feeling some, some emotion that I've then carried forward and it's just part of my personality. And. That's what happened when me and you spoke, because I could suddenly objectify this whole network of things that was so, that had become my hardware in who I am. Pull things out and see them for what they are, and see how much they're dictating the way that you live your life, they're dictating the way that you approach life and the decisions that you make and how guilty you feel within your life. Like I actually recently had a. a situation where somebody asked me to do something. It was since our conversation, actually, where somebody asked me to do something. And I just thought for a second, do I want to do that? And I was like, no. And I haven't heard from that person since. And I just think as soon as you start pulling your people pleasing self out, your life starts to become yours again. Yeah. You start to, like, reclaim your own life. Like, what you actually want to do. Who are you? What are the choices that you want to make? What do you love? You know? Instead of, like, what does everyone around me need? What do they need me to do? What do they need from me? What can I do for these people? You know? It becomes Yeah. I guess you become selfish, but in the best way, I just want to know, as you have kind of stepped out into defining your life for yourself, what have you discovered to be true either about you, about your resilience, about your resourcefulness, about the joys, the pleasure that is available to a woman who chooses her life. I have discovered that I really had to learn to value my own validation. Mm-Hmm. I had to really learn that my own congratulations actually meant something instead of needing the congratulations of other people and to Yeah, to value myself and my own opinion. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big one because all of our programming goes to making other people the arbiters. Of what is good and what is bad, what is valuable, what is not valuable, our worthiness or unworthiness and to be able to do that, to learn to do that for yourself and to let it count is a huge accomplishment. Yeah, I felt my relationship with myself grow and I felt myself just respect myself a little bit more in that moment. Yeah, yeah. Oh, actually, you are a human being who Your opinion does matter a lot to me. That's beautiful. That's worth so much. When you pull that need for outside validation in and can satisfy that for yourself. That is a huge accomplishment. Congratulations on that. Tell me where you see the next people pleasing challenge for yourself. I see the next people pleasing challenge for myself in my next relationship that I allow myself to get into because I've really kind of bought myself just back to myself and And being building a relationship with myself, so I don't really know how I'm going to be able to integrate that in a relationship with my next partner with my next like boyfriend. So, I think that's my next challenge is to. See how I take on a relationship with my new perspective. I look forward to, to seeing that for you. That's going to be amazing. I look forward to that as well. Well, I have, I have loved this conversation. I can't wait to see what you do next. And I think it's just, um, such a fun testament to the power of a conversation. And how we do bring people and, um, ideas into our lives. I think when we're ready to act on them. So thank you so much. What is the name of your podcast and where can people find it? It's the I am frequency podcast and it's on Spotify. Wonderful. Well, I'll link to that in the show notes. And Laura, it was just so fun to talk to you today. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you are ready to have the same kind of conversation that Laura had with me, here's what I want you to do. You can find the link to schedule a consult with me in one of two places. Go to the show notes and click on the word consult, and it will take you right to my calendar. Find a time that works for you, sign up, you and I will meet over Zoom, and I'll take you through the same process that I described and that I took Laura through. The other place you can find the link is by finding me on Instagram and using the link in my bio, there's a link there as well. I really look forward to speaking with you and seeing if joining this round of Stop People Pleasing is the right decision for you. Talk to you soon.