Episode 57: What If Your Marriage Was A Tool For Liberation? with Maggie Reyes

Maggie Reyes is a wonderful marriage coach who I had the honor of having as a coach myself. Maggie helped me get to another version of my marriage that has been just so delightful. She has a podcast called “The Marriage Life Coach Podcast.” Maggie’s double-certified as both a Life Coach and a Sex, Love and Relationship coach by two of the most innovative thinkers and teachers in the self development industry: Brooke Castillo and Layla Martin. She also graduated from The Life Coach School (LCS) in 2012 as Certified Professional Life Coach. 

Back in the day, marriage used to be a business transaction. Now, we're flipping the script and finding liberation through our relationships. We can be the leaders of the relationships that we want to have. Ask yourself: "If we were equal partners, what would that look like?" Say to yourself: "I matter." Feeling freedom of expression in our relationships is essential.

Can't wait for you to listen.

Find Maggie here:
https://maggiereyes.com/
https://www.instagram.com/themaggiereyes/
https://www.facebook.com/TheMaggieReyes
Download Maggie’s Free 5 Power Questions Every Woman Should Know :
https://learn.maggiereyes.com/powerquestions

Find Sara here:
https://sarafisk.coach
https://www.instagram.com/sarafiskcoach/
https://www.facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching/
https://www.youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333
https://www.tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach
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Transcript

0:51

You are listening to the ex good girl podcast, episode 57. Okay, here we go with a conversation that I have been excited to have for a long time, not only because I love and adore you, Maggie, but because you have been my coach. You helped me get to another version of my marriage that has been just so delightful. And And I find the way that you think about marriage and the things that you teach to just be so helpful and so, um, life changing for me. And I've just have been so excited to offer you to the people who listen to this podcast. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I love you so much. Let's do it. Let's do it. Um, how, tell me how you think about marriage in terms of you and I are both graduates of the Advanced Certification in Feminist Coaching that Cara Lowenthal, um, does, how, tell me how you think about marriage in general. So that's so interesting because I love that you mentioned that the feminist training because the way that I coach marriage has fundamentally shifted once I had a better understanding of the cultural narratives that we swim in. And I think how I think about marriage has shifted because of that as well. So, um, how I think about marriage now is. For me, I think it's one of those labs of life where you can grow so much as a human. You can have so many amazing experiences. You can heal so many things. Um, And so that's one of the things I love about being married. I also think if you're going to be married, have a good one. Like, not everybody needs to be married, and if you don't want to be married, that's no problem at all. Like, I'm all about choosing what works for each individual. Um, but if you want to stay married, it's like, how can we make that, like you said, more delightful? How can we make that, um, something that works for you? So after doing the feminist coaching training, my thought about it is What if we used marriage as a tool for liberation for women, where they're no longer a business transaction, right? So back in the day, marriage was a business transaction. I'll give you two cows and this plot of land, you know, okay, I'll take your daughter. You know, that's like how it was. And so now it's like, what if we take marriage and we own it? And we create marriages that work for us, with our values, with our needs, with With us being, you know, um, leaders of the relationships that we want to have. So I have lots of thoughts about marriage. That's just a few of them. Well, that's the, exactly the conversation I want to have today. When you said, how do we use marriage as a tool for liberation? I got the chills because I feel like that is what my marriage has become and. Um, some of that is so directly related to you coaching me and some of it is related to me doing really uncomfortable work. Yes. So how, if you were going to walk someone through who just also got the chills listening to us talk about, you know, marriage is a tool for liberation. Yeah. Where would they start? I would say, um, I teach a communication framework called soul centered communication and inside. Yes, you do. Yes, they do. So it's our favorite. We both love it. Um, and inside that framework, there's, uh, being loving. And when we're in a conversation with someone, how could we be loving to ourselves and the other person? And so many of the people listening to this podcast right now are really used to prioritizing everybody else in their lives. Other people, other projects, other things, pets, even above themselves. Right? And how do we use a relation, any relationship, whether you're in a marriage structure or not, how do we use it as a tool for liberation? We start with making ourselves equal to the other people in the relationship. That's where we start. I'm not more important than you. That's the feminist part. I'm not more important. I'm not less important. I'm just equally as important. And if that was true, that I was equally as important, then how would I approach This invitation, this request, whatever's in front of me right now, that is the simplest, in my opinion, the simplest place to start. Now, when we say that to someone, they're like, well, what do you mean? Like, how do I do that? Right. And this is why the whole podcast exists and why your program exists, why my program exists. It's like, okay, the first thing is you have the thought. I matter. I matter. If I matter. Do my fears matter, do my hesitations matter, do my desires matter? The answer is yes, yes, and yes. I love that so much because it mirrors exactly what I teach about, and again, you know, people pleasing plays out in our relationships. If we're not in a relationship, there is, there's no one else to please. Right. And so most women. Like you said, they live subordinate to all of the other relationships in their life. I love that you said pets, even pets, and they think that when I say stop people pleasing, I mean that they are going to be superior to everyone else and that type of, um, Relationship organization is, is repellent to them because they think that's selfish. That's, that's not what I want. And that's not what we're talking about, but what does equality look like where my needs and wants matter just as much as yours. And sometimes I choose me and sometimes I choose you and I need to do is like really understand my reasons. And so I just love if we were equal. Yeah. This is a fantastic question to ask yourself. Yeah. If you're listening to this podcast, if we were equal partners, What would that look like with this situation, this need, this want, this fear, this hesitation? So good. After that, what should they be looking for or, um, in terms of liberation? Once you're equal, then what? I would say I'm very individualistic in my approach. So when I use a word like liberation, like you could have 20 people in a room with us and everybody's definition of that would be. So I really love like definitions. Like what would it feel like to you? What does it feel like to you when you're oppressed or not self expressed when you feel that there's a part of you that isn't welcome, or there's a part of you that isn't, um, being, you know. Expressed really on a day to day basis in your life, that would be like personal oppression, right? We're not talking about societal oppression in this moment. We're talking about in what ways am I cutting myself off from different parts of me because I feel like it would be dangerous to share those parts of me. So we want to just define that, like what part of me am I not sharing? Right? So, to understand then, if I was liberated, if I was free, if I had freedom of expression, if that was available to me, then what would that look like? What would be different? What, what would I do? How would I prioritize my day? What would I, um, do on the weekends? What would I ask for? What would I say no to? What would I say yes to? Right? And people can be listening to me and thinking really lofty thoughts. This is like on the day to day, like I'm going to give you an example of something that literally happened this weekend, because I want people to really understand this is your day to day. This isn't like, like, yes, we love going on the marches and doing the things and all that, but this isn't about that. This is about, like, your most intimate moments and how you manage them. So, my husband loves the Renaissance Fair. It comes every year. He loves it, right? I do not. And he asked me to go. And I said yes. And then I really didn't want to go. And I started crying. And I didn't even know why I was crying. I'm in this season where I cry very easily about a lot of things. So I started crying. And then I'm like, what is going on here? And we had the most beautiful conversation where I told him, I said, there's a part of me that really doesn't want to disappoint you. Right? There's a part of me that knows it means a lot to you to share this experience with me. But what I'm noticing is I don't think I'm looking forward to the experience and I don't think it's gonna be what we both think it'll be. If I'm not having fun, it will diminish your fun. And he was like, oh that makes so much sense. He's like, you know, I could just go by myself. Like you don't even have to go with me. So sometimes, for everyone listening, we people please, even when the other person Doesn't care. That is so good. Right? So this just happened. This is not like a theoretical exercise. Like this just happened. So we had this beautiful conversation and he was so gracious and so loving. And he just said, What if you just don't go? Right? And I was like, yeah, maybe I Let me check in with myself. Is there any part of me that wants to go? The only part of me that wanted to go was the part of me that didn't want to disappoint him. And I honor that part. That's relevant, right? But I really was like, I think I need to just rest. And he went. Right? Because one of my things about what If I'm liberated in my marriage, then so should he be. Sometimes we forget that part. We get so excited. We're like, no, we just want them to do everything the way we want. That's the superior part where we're like, Oh, let's, let's just do my liberation. Let's just do mine. Right. And so it's like, I, I'm like, I think you'd love it so much. And he loves doing things like he was fine going by himself and he had a great time. And then I stayed home and the most amazing magical thing happened is a friend of mine I hadn't talked to in months was going through a thing. And, and called me and we literally talked for like three hours. We had a whole visit. Right? Wow. And that never would have happened if I wouldn't have been, you know, if I, if I wouldn't have just trusted my body, trusted my know. So what do I think is part of liberation is having a yes and a no. And having access to both and that I hope that example gives gives you something like a really real life. Like that's what it's like on a day to day basis. It does. And I really just want to slow down and let people like replay in their minds what you did. Like, there's a part of me that really does not want to disappoint you. There's a part of me that feels really nervous that you might be upset. That I agreed to this thing. And I said, yes, and maybe even we bought a ticket and we made, yeah, make all made all these plans to go. And yet when I actually tune into my body and the experience that I'm having now, something doesn't fit. I just, I love that you said that over or over something as. As possibly inconsequential as the renaissance fair, right? It, because I can imagine that in the minds of a lot of the people listening, that is one of the hardest situations that they have is I'm not a solid a hundred percent. No, never. I never wanted, but like there's parts of me, part of me doesn't want to disappoint you. Part of me does part of me wants to spend time with you. Part of me wants to be in my bed, in my pajamas or whatever, you know, and just recognizing. All of that is such a complicated, nuanced thing that requires that we slow down and really pay attention to ourselves. And I do want to say this is that in my relationship, you know, we talk about these things all the time. It's very commonplace for us to have conversations like this. And I know some of you listening are going to have thoughts. Like, but my partner wouldn't react that way. My partner would make me go, or my partner would whatever. And I just want to say, when we stop people pleasing, I'm sure Sarah has said this a million times. There will be people who will be disappointed and will say, no, I want you to be like how you used to be last year when you said yes to everything all the time. So I really want to acknowledge that it feels really hard, even for me, even when it was welcome. Like, even when it was welcome, it still felt really hard to say. And I, I just don't want to skip over that part that when it's not welcome, it can feel twice as hard. And that's why you listen to the podcast, you practice in little steps, you practice it with people where it does feel safer. Like you go on a, on a step by step journey to build the resilience to be able to handle. Especially someone who deeply loves disappointment. Yeah. Yeah. I often say and feel myself that disappointing people we love, that's tough. Whether it's, you know, parents, whether it's family of origin, partners, children, those are often the most difficult situations in which to really make friends with the fact that we're going to be disappointing. Or we're just going to constantly be self abandoning. And I think, let's talk about this, Sarah. I would love to hear your thoughts about this. I think self abandoning is a great way to describe it because it's, we're, we're, we're not taking care, like exquisitely powerful care of ourselves. And I want to remove like all or nothing thinking from it. Cause I think some people hear that. And I think it's such a, I've been thinking about this a lot recently, actually, um, is. It's also self protecting. I love it. So, we're, we're, when we're doing something to avoid somebody being disappointed, there's a part of us that thinks that we'll keep everybody safe. Us, me, them, the whole shebang. Right? And so, sometimes when you hear self abandoning, then you have another thing to beat yourself up over. So true. Yeah. Yeah. So I just, if anybody ever had that thought, I just want to offer you your, your, your, there's an element of self abandonment that the reason you're doing it is self protecting and to have so much love and compassion. That is a hundred percent of the reason why I now talk about. The opposite of people pleasing is self connection. So good. I feel like that encompasses like I self abandonment. You're right. I love that. You said that we do not need to give women human socializes women. Another reason to like, Oh, I'm doing it wrong because it's not about. Right and wrong. It's about how do I, even in moments where I'm doing something, I might not choose to do or don't want to do. How do I maintain connection to maybe some good reasons to do it anyway that I like or to my own self where I can calm and comfort and be with. Myself, even in an experience that's not going the way I want that I didn't choose that. I would not repeat it. I love that you brought that, brought that up. What are your thoughts about that too? I think that something, when we talk about like stopping people pleasing or having a different relationship with it and self connecting, I also love to include the fact that we're going to be messy humans the whole way through. Yes. And that there will be times. That we will just say yes to our mother in law, right? Or to the cousin, or whoever. We will, or our boss, right? That we will just be like, you know, I understand the price that I would have to pay to say no, and I'm just going to choose yes. Yes. And even then, it's a different relationship with the, yes. You're actively choosing it, understanding the price that you're paying for it in a conscious, intentional way. You have still changed your relationship to people pleasing, even when you say some yeses sometimes. And I think that sometimes we, we also judge ourselves like, Oh, I'm backtracking or, or I haven't done it or like, like we find all kinds of ways to beat ourselves up. Right? Like, that's just a thing we do as humans. Yeah. Oh, I just want to honor that actually when it's intentional and you're doing it on purpose and you're recognizing it and making conscious choice, that's actually an elevated relationship with your choices. That is very different than when you're unconscious about those choices. And I go so far as to say is that I don't think that's people pleasing. I think that's doing something for reasons that you choose. And, and I think you're exactly right. That's a different relationship with that. Even if we don't like it and, you know, we, we can't wait till it's over. It's just such an interesting touch point for me to always come back to everything we do as humans is for safety and connection. Right. And oftentimes we will sacrifice connection to ourself to get connection with someone else and. The goal is to just know why you're doing it and to be able to acknowledge it and be kind and good to yourself about it, even if you would make a different choice in the future. I love it. That there just isn't a scenario where you beat yourself up for doing something for safety and connection. We want, like, if we could eradicate that from the world, it would be so amazing. Gosh, so amazing. The other thing that I wanted to get your take on is that I. Often find in this kind of all or nothing thinking that people pleasing. I actually think people pleasing has a place in healthy relationships. We don't call it people pleasing necessarily, but you and I are friends. It means I want to know what matters to you. I want to be able to do things that are special for you that are that are kind for you that support and nurture you. So tell me how you talk about. Like if we're going to, let's just say the role of people pleasing in a healthy way. That's so interesting because I do think just as a shorthand for society, when we say people pleasing, we kind of, I think at least when I hear it, it's when you're saying yes, the stuff you want to say no to is like, I'm not self pleasing, I'm people pleasing. So that's my personal definition. I'm curious. It's like what everyone's listening, what their definition would be. So, and this is such a good point. Do I want to do things that delight my partner? Do I want to do things because they matter to that person just because they matter to that person or to my friend, just because it matters to my friend. I just feel like those are things I want to be a yes for. Like, I am a yes to doing those things, I am not self abandoning, self protecting, self anything, in that moment. I am, in that moment, being in safety and connection with this other person, contributing to more safety and connection with this other person. That's how I that's how like the lens I would look at it through and what I think that I in marriage I call it being sexy besties. I love it. Um, and it's just cultivating rapport and collaboration. That's how I would think about it is, how do we collaborate for you to have a great time and me to have a great time right and all the different ways we can do that. So good. It reminds me of when When I came to coaching and I think, um, I had this idea that it was possible to get to a place where I could somehow like insulate myself against like the, like, I just, well, one of the teachers I listened to a lot, she talked about how, you know, I take care of my own needs. My husband takes care of his own needs and then we just get together and we just enjoy each other's And I just felt like that. Would be the ideal to where like, he doesn't hurt my feelings anymore. We don't, you know, disagree. We just get together and, and share this great time together. But my own needs, I take care of all of them myself. I'm a note of that. I'm a hard note for that. So, um, I don't think that's real. I understand like everybody can have their point of view. Everybody can, can, if that like lights somebody up, like, go for it. Like I am, you know, I will not yuck anybody's young. Okay. However, as a person who has coached thousands of hours on relationships and a person who's like, Okay. Studied more things than the average pair in this matter. Um, I love to quote the research of the Gottman Institute. They've spent like 40 years with thousands and thousands of couples to see what works and what doesn't work. And the basic essence of the conclusions they have come to is that a friendship is the core of any relationship that thrives. And in a friendship, there's collaboration and rapport. There's what do you need and what do I need. And are we both, like, getting the things we need? Now, I do think, uh, an erroneous relationship myth is that we should get every need met by our romantic relationship. They should be sexy, but they should be funny, but they should be able to fix the pipes, but they should also be able to sweep us off our feet, and they should be able to do this, and they should, like, That, I think, is a myth. I do think It takes a village, it takes friends, it takes family, it, we get a bunch of different needs met by a bunch of different people in different scenarios, the over reliance on one partner to meet every need, I do think is something that we can look at, but it's almost like that all or nothing thinking again, we go from the over reliance on our partners to meet every need to meet no need at all, right? That's where I would be That's where I would land on something like that. I love that. It's where I, I just, I feel like the, if we're talking, you know, with like the liberation lens, knowing that I am free to pendulate between like independence where I know myself, I meet my needs, my wants, my desires, and interdependent relationships with multiple types of friendships, relationships. That, that has provided, I think, a huge degree of the freedom that I feel in my relationships now. Yeah. And if we think of humans as mammals, we could not survive, which we are, right? Yeah. Yeah. We could not survive. If I was born in a tundra with no access to food or language or everything else that makes civilization, I would just die. Like, humans! need each other to survive in every possible way. And we need this like literally physically for warmth, for food, for instruction, for all those things. There's a, there's interesting research about men in general. Being under touched and how, um, they're just not hugged. It's not a thing in our sort of Western industrial society. It's not an accepted thing that they do all the time. And now there's actually research about like, we need to be touched babies. And when they're in the ICU, they need to be held. Who's holding them, a dolphin? Like, like humans need other humans. So the idea that we would like somehow be hyper independent and just meet every single need on our own, that's just something that I, I, I violently oppose. I'm violently opposed, which if you know Maggie, she does not have a violent bone in her body. So that this brings out the violence. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. It just, I think it creates so much unhappiness and women, you know, this, I, I don't need to tell you, but just to kind of give context for where this thought's coming from. We have so much programming in our feminine, you know, human socialized as women world about not being needy, not being too much, not taking up too much space. I think we. We have this myth that I could somehow figure out how to be the perfect amount of needy so that I'm not repelling people or the perfect amount of taking up space so that it's not too much, but it's also not too little. And it just, yeah, I think that's like patriarchal programming. The idea that we shouldn't be, I mean, we've all heard things about that, or when people are dating, you shouldn't text too much or you should like, Lay back or like all those kinds of things we see, and I just think that's not real. I think that there's a patriarchal, patriarchal construct that has violently suppressed teaching and socializing men to feel their feelings and their emotions. In many, many ways has made, has then made that the norm and said everyone has to adapt to this suppression of emotion that doesn't work and isn't useful, really. And so it's like, when we say don't be needy, it's like, but you can be human. You can miss a person. You can want to be in their presence. You can reach out to the person. Like, if we replaced every time it says don't be needy with don't be human. That is really the message underneath that. It's like be an automaton, be a widget. Be in a factory. Be a robot. It's like, that is not to me. I just go to this place where it's like, that's not real. And all the advice to say that to me is just lack of nuance of what it means to be human. I love that. I love that. So if we're talking about like, what becomes possible when marriage is a tool for liberation and some of the things that you would Need. I just wanna make sure. Yeah. That like what we would need. Yeah. We would need to have equality. Making ourselves equal. Yeah. We would need to have a yes and a no. Yeah. We would lead need to know how to feel that. Yeah. Is there anything else that you can think of that somebody would need? And of course this isn't gonna be the definitive list. Yeah. But anything else that comes to you before we kind of move to the what becomes possible for your marriage when it is a tool for liberation? I would say, I would just put self expression. If we think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where we need like food and water, like there's certain things that humans require in order to A, live just at all, and then to thrive beyond just living or existing. And it's like at the top is self expression. So what you need in your marriage, in order for your marriage to be To feel like a lab of liberation, to feel like a safe space, like a, to feel like a sanctuary, is can I be fully self expressed with this human? Can I be nerdy about loving relationship psychology and romance novels and Like, really being upset about half of the rom coms, but also loving them, right? Or like, I love Formula One, which is a sport that is sexist and patriarchal and has all kinds of isms. Faked in it. And the duality and paradox is like, and I also love it, right? Can I be that version of me with all my contradictions with this other human? And can they be their human self with all their contributions? With me and the places where that's not okay, it shows us where we can coach, where we can explore, where we can get curious, what gets in the way that shows us like where our work would be if we wanted to change that. I love that. Yeah. I, I really feel. That that is a, is a level of like intimacy with the contradictions of just what it is to be human. Because some of those, I think, in our kind of self help saturated, uh, you know, world, especially for human socialized as women, we have this idea that we should always be working on something and that there is a place to get to where we are some idealized version. Where we just don't have those contradictions anymore, but how much more beautiful it is to just be. Loved in and for those contradictions. 100%. My very first coach, her name is Christine Kane. She used to say, there is no arrival. And that was so powerful for me when I heard her say that. I was like, what, wait? Because we're taught, especially in like Western industrialized culture, we're taught like, you graduate from school, and then you get a job, and then you get a house, and you get a car. There's this, there's these points of arrival, but the, the point of arrival always moves until, and then you retire. And then, and it's like, wait, we've never. We, we look for these fictitious points of arrival and then it's like so liberating to me to be like, wait, if there is no arrival, it's just, well, what do I want to do? Yeah. Yeah. No arrival and that liberation is this ongoing just practice or lens or, um, just something that you sit down and you look at how liberated do I feel, what, what I need and what would my partner need in my friendships, in my, um. You know, and in my relationships with boss or who, whatever relationship, what would we need for the next level? And then, and then just working on that, that shows you that points you where to go and, you know, listening to you, I just had a thought that is kind of a little wild, but. I'm going to say it and then we can talk about it. What is liberation? How do I know? And I'm talking about self expression and all that. And I thought about, my family came to this country from Cuba, which is a communist, uh, country. And the first thing that happened when communism came to Cuba is freedom of speech was like, abolished. Like, the newspaper is run by the government. And the, anything that is, um, said in a public forum is some form of like, propaganda. It's controlled. The communication is controlled. And then what is a hallmark essential for democracy? It's freedom of speech. It's to be able to express. So we've been sort of talking about it on the personal level. It's like, what is my self expression? But genuinely, Right. When, when there's no freedom of expression, there can be no freedom. It's so powerful. And even backing that up, just a step to where a lot of the women that I work with, if you don't know what you want, like, if you don't know yourself, your wants, your desires, who you are, the dreams you have for your life, there isn't anything to express. And so for a lot of us, that's when we just get into fulfilling other people's dreams and other people's desires and other people's wants, because there is a. There's a lack of know of self knowledge and self connection there. This is such a common thing. I've coached on it so many times where people are like, I don't even know what I want. You're telling me this thing and I'm like, okay. So today for homework, you're going to practice wanting you're going to decide what you want for dinner. You're going to if you drive. You're going to put on the radio and you're going to decide what station you want to listen to and you're going to switch the song if you don't like that one and you're going to on purpose stand in your closet and decide what you're going to wear and like I want to wear red today like you're going to practice being just being in presence with your desires at the smallest most doable most accessible levels and then we just build You That muscle from like what I want for dinner from what I want to wear to like, where do I want to go on vacation? Or what book do I want to read? And being, it's a different relationship with your desires. And then as you build that muscle, you start trusting yourself more to say, well, I've always wanted to take a cooking class. And you know what, if I could do anything, I think I want to go ice skate. Or I had so many clients over the years where we did the coaching and then they moved to like, actually. I want to live in this other state and like, yeah, let's do it from little all the way there. And that is such just a liberatory process in and of itself. It's, it's something, I mean, I, I teach a whole module how to want inside of stop pupil pleasing because it is a skill. And if you never got it, if it wasn't safe to want, if wanting caused you disconnection in places, yes, you do have to work on that. As an adult, and then what have you seen become possible or available when marriage is a liberatory experience? I mean, in the biggest, broadest sense, it's a sense of peace. It's a sense of freedom. It's a deeper sense of enjoyment, right? It's all these feelings that weren't accessible before. If I was gonna sort of zoom all the way out Sometimes it's also, um, people who decide to separate and and would have I'll never forget one of my favorite Emails I've ever gotten from a client We worked together for a year and she wrote to me like a year later and she said, you know, I really took to heart everything we did and I cleaned up my side of the table and I just showed up in a way that I feel so proud of myself. And we decided to get divorced. And I would have stayed 10 more years trying to make this marriage work. Had I not done all of this, you know, work to just show up the way that I wanted to show up. And that's like the most ultimate freedom. She got 10 years of her life freaking back. Yeah. Right. So sometimes it's more like what happened with you, or you're just like, Oh my God, we were already amazing. And now it's deeper and richer and more delicious. And it's just like, um, I call it going from like, Um, a four, a three star to a four star, like, you know those hotels where they have like the hot breakfast and they, they're nice, they're fine, they're good. But then you go to like a freaking five star luxury resort and you're like, this is amazing, right? And everything you look around and it's just like, this feels so good. Like that level of, this is fine, but this is amazing. Yeah. That's how I, yeah, I, I think, and, and that amazing looks different and can be different for everyone. But I, I think that the thing that like, first of all, do you remember the day that I showed up for coaching? And I'm like, guess what? I learned. It doesn't have to be a thing. Yes. I do remember that actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like everything that I thought had to be a thing. What if it just doesn't have to be a thing? And I was talking about things that in my marriage, I had just kind of harped on for a lot of years. I just didn't like the way he did that thing or whatever. And just, what if I just let it, Oh, and so sometimes liberation is letting things go that you really want to for reasons that you like. It's not pretending that they're okay. Just, you know, to be clear, but. I feel like where the liberation for me has been the most just poignant and beautiful is in exactly the example you just shared. I feel like my marriage now is a five star luxury experience, and we still need to figure out who's going to take the trash and cook dinner. Right. So it's It's still that. It's still practical. Yeah. It's still all those things. Yeah. But, but I, I choose it a hundred percent and it has been, um, so much of what I've learned from you and just what I have learned as I plug into myself, my wants, my needs. You're self connected, right? I'm self connected. The more self connected you have become, the more clear all of these other things become too. Absolutely. Maggie, is there anything that we haven't talked about yet that you just want to make sure that you say? Oh, my gosh. Um, I just want to say to everyone. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being in this type of conversation. Thank you for. It's Brave. You know, it's called the X Good Girl Podcast. It's Brave, every time you download it, right? And this is how we change the world. Which is like, it sounds like you're listening to a podcast, but you're like rearranging the cells in your body. And you're becoming a different person. And I just think that's brave. So I just want to celebrate. Everyone who's listening, like, thank you. And if you have any question as to what it's like to work with Maggie as a coach, that's what it is being celebrated being, um, I mean, I always felt like just a rock star when I was your client and, you know, now as your friend, because you do find the most amazing things to celebrate about people and that. It's a practice that I've kind of taken into my life and my clients celebrating just everything about them. I highly, highly recommend, um, hiring Maggie as a marriage coach. If that is an area of your life that you want to work on. And I will say this, even if you have a fantastic marriage, a fantastic four star marriage, and you want to get to five star. You should listen to Maggie. So Maggie, where can people find you? What are you currently offering? I love it. So you can find me at Maggie Reyes. com. It's R E Y E S. So Maggie, M A G G I E Reyes. com And you can sign up there for my emails and you'll get all the updates for everything that I'm doing all the time. I currently teach a six month program called the Marriage MBA. where we just walk through how to communicate better, how to not make things a thing, how to decide which things should be a thing and which things aren't a thing, all that kind of fun stuff. Um, and then you can also follow me on Instagram at TheMaggieReyes. Feel free to say hello there. If you have a takeaway from today's show, I'd love to hear it. You can DM me, um, but go to MaggieReyes. com and that's the best way to keep in touch. And I just want to say that you don't just coach on traditional marriage. You have space and, uh, coaching tools for non traditional marriage options as well. And then I, I, um, I have found that to just be so loving and open part of part of part of the loving and open way that you just approach. Relationships. Thank you. It's, it's something interesting to navigate, right? It's like, what, like, long term relationships, how we're set up, what we do. If you are inspired to just work on your relationship in some way, come over. We'll talk about it. We always want to make sure it's a good fit for what the person needs. And Sarah and I are very similar in that it's like, if we're not it, we'll be like, here are it. Three resources and two suggestions and all of that kind of stuff of what you should do. 100%. Thank you, Maggie. I love you. Thanks for having this conversation with me. Thank you.